parenting ain't easy! LOL

so...there's a lot of babies i've seen grow up to about

maybe 4-6 years old. never older than that.

so, naturally i've never had to explain thngs like puberty

or why one feels funny around the opposite sex...

until now.

this past week, i've had to explain [with the help of my

older sister] the female organs and why we get menstrual

cycles...to a 9 year old!

if you guys didn't know already, YES, some females get

their period as early as 8 or 9 years old. so yeah, it was

time for that talk.

we talked about the pain, the "flow", the pads, definitely

NOT the tampons [lol], the duration, everything. fun.

love

it's funny, love.

you got a way about you, love.

i don't like this pain, love.

but i still succumb to the same thing, love.

never will be over this here love.

this "got to have it never live without it" love.

to be bitter is just not me, love.

so i'll hold my head high, love.

look at all the past love, love.

and all the future love, love.

that will cultivate a new me love, love.

this love, love.

your love, love.

my love, love.

our love...love.

yes love.

irreplaceable

you can erase it off your

hard drive, phone, microSD & SD card,

flash drive, paper, even your clothes...

well, most of it.

but you can't erase it off of your mind.

memories are forever irreplaceable.

the end.

LOL

this ain't too "deep" but it's straight from the mind.

well guys, i guess i can't win for losing.

still trying to do my best to make everyone

happy. learning the hard way that i just

can't. so instead i be happy and try to

emit my happiness to the surroundings

thereof...survey says...

AHHH! wrong answer!

i'm still losin em,

i'm still losin em,

depression,

regression,

all this aggression.

no phone to call.

tryin to deal wit it all.

the only one i trust.

yet the one i can't discuss.

one's gone. just gone going.

i'm feeling like Jack Johnson

right now. what's that verse?

how does it go? oh, yeah...

gone going,

gone everything gone

give a damn

gone be the birds when they don't want to sing

"Gone people" up awkward with their things gone.

yeah that's me.

that's me all the way.

my mind is raging,

eyes swollen,

stomach sickened,

heart broken.

that's love i suppose.

what am i do to?

right after posting

"happy happy joy joy",

it was instantaneously taken away.

what a way to go huh?

friendship?

you would think it's more than just a blog...

can't even pick up the phone and talk to ME.

oh yes, i can still recieve calls.

i just can't make them.

thanks Sprint.

"Dear God,
make me a bird so i can fly far far away from here."

happy happy joy joy

ok, i'm feelin like totally happy right now.

have no idea why. just in a good mood.

nothing's been going right, but that's ok

cuz i'm not letting it stop my joyous mood.

i'm just thankful to God that i am alive, healthy,

and up & around walking about. i feel so upbeat!

i really don't know what it is...

anywho, i figure i'll cherish it while it's here.

nothing lasts forever. remember that.

suicide. safe sex is no sex.

i'm currently sitting here. was contemplating what to write

about...cuz i need to start expressing myself more. 'tis apart

of that whole self-rehabilitation i'm trying out on myself.

you know...the whole doing things that i should have been

doing more in the first place? yeah, that.

anywho, so i'm thinking all these things rushing through my head.

was listening to the Black-Eyed Peas' "Smells Like Funk" but i

switched the track...since my player is on random, the next song

that came on was "Suicide" by T-Pain.

if you're not familiar with the song here's a verse:

The world keeps spinnin, with or without me

And I know, that's hard to believe

And now I'm in a box, with nothin around me

Cuz I found a girl that'll get on her knees (at ease)

And all the while I'm knowin that my homies will clown me

Cuz I fucked her and didn't have a rubber on me

It seems I had to find out the hard way

That the girl that I found in the ground, she had HIV

or if you'd rather listen to the whole song,

here's the link for that:

http://bit.ly/11iiKE

------------------------------------------------------------

so yeah, then i started to think about, what if that happened to me?

what if i contracted HIV through sexual intercourse? would

i contemplate suicide? i mean sure, the easy answer would be

to say, "no, imma face my consequence & 'be brave' about it &
try to get help, speak to young kids about having unprotected

sex & blah blah blah..." but surely everyone knows, that type

of stuff is easier said than done. HIV is pretty heavy to deal

with. that's why i commend the people who put up with it.

suicide though...to know of something you could have PREVENTED,

that you could have STOPPED AT ANY SECOND...that's the

type of stuff that can drive you mad. idk if i could deal with

that. but you know, suicide is worse. if you're Catholic,

what about purgatory? if you're Christian, what about the

burning lake of fire/hell? if you're Atheist, what about fertilizer? LOL

i mean, i'm just saying...i don't know. it's a tough decision.

one i hope i'll never have to face. well, boys & girls...

safe sex is no sex!

i'm outta here.

tootles.