love

it's funny, love.

you got a way about you, love.

i don't like this pain, love.

but i still succumb to the same thing, love.

never will be over this here love.

this "got to have it never live without it" love.

to be bitter is just not me, love.

so i'll hold my head high, love.

look at all the past love, love.

and all the future love, love.

that will cultivate a new me love, love.

this love, love.

your love, love.

my love, love.

our love...love.

yes love.

irreplaceable

you can erase it off your

hard drive, phone, microSD & SD card,

flash drive, paper, even your clothes...

well, most of it.

but you can't erase it off of your mind.

memories are forever irreplaceable.

the end.

LOL

this ain't too "deep" but it's straight from the mind.

well guys, i guess i can't win for losing.

still trying to do my best to make everyone

happy. learning the hard way that i just

can't. so instead i be happy and try to

emit my happiness to the surroundings

thereof...survey says...

AHHH! wrong answer!

i'm still losin em,

i'm still losin em,

depression,

regression,

all this aggression.

no phone to call.

tryin to deal wit it all.

the only one i trust.

yet the one i can't discuss.

one's gone. just gone going.

i'm feeling like Jack Johnson

right now. what's that verse?

how does it go? oh, yeah...

gone going,

gone everything gone

give a damn

gone be the birds when they don't want to sing

"Gone people" up awkward with their things gone.

yeah that's me.

that's me all the way.

my mind is raging,

eyes swollen,

stomach sickened,

heart broken.

that's love i suppose.

what am i do to?

right after posting

"happy happy joy joy",

it was instantaneously taken away.

what a way to go huh?

friendship?

you would think it's more than just a blog...

can't even pick up the phone and talk to ME.

oh yes, i can still recieve calls.

i just can't make them.

thanks Sprint.

"Dear God,
make me a bird so i can fly far far away from here."

happy happy joy joy

ok, i'm feelin like totally happy right now.

have no idea why. just in a good mood.

nothing's been going right, but that's ok

cuz i'm not letting it stop my joyous mood.

i'm just thankful to God that i am alive, healthy,

and up & around walking about. i feel so upbeat!

i really don't know what it is...

anywho, i figure i'll cherish it while it's here.

nothing lasts forever. remember that.

suicide. safe sex is no sex.

i'm currently sitting here. was contemplating what to write

about...cuz i need to start expressing myself more. 'tis apart

of that whole self-rehabilitation i'm trying out on myself.

you know...the whole doing things that i should have been

doing more in the first place? yeah, that.

anywho, so i'm thinking all these things rushing through my head.

was listening to the Black-Eyed Peas' "Smells Like Funk" but i

switched the track...since my player is on random, the next song

that came on was "Suicide" by T-Pain.

if you're not familiar with the song here's a verse:

The world keeps spinnin, with or without me

And I know, that's hard to believe

And now I'm in a box, with nothin around me

Cuz I found a girl that'll get on her knees (at ease)

And all the while I'm knowin that my homies will clown me

Cuz I fucked her and didn't have a rubber on me

It seems I had to find out the hard way

That the girl that I found in the ground, she had HIV

or if you'd rather listen to the whole song,

here's the link for that:

http://bit.ly/11iiKE

------------------------------------------------------------

so yeah, then i started to think about, what if that happened to me?

what if i contracted HIV through sexual intercourse? would

i contemplate suicide? i mean sure, the easy answer would be

to say, "no, imma face my consequence & 'be brave' about it &
try to get help, speak to young kids about having unprotected

sex & blah blah blah..." but surely everyone knows, that type

of stuff is easier said than done. HIV is pretty heavy to deal

with. that's why i commend the people who put up with it.

suicide though...to know of something you could have PREVENTED,

that you could have STOPPED AT ANY SECOND...that's the

type of stuff that can drive you mad. idk if i could deal with

that. but you know, suicide is worse. if you're Catholic,

what about purgatory? if you're Christian, what about the

burning lake of fire/hell? if you're Atheist, what about fertilizer? LOL

i mean, i'm just saying...i don't know. it's a tough decision.

one i hope i'll never have to face. well, boys & girls...

safe sex is no sex!

i'm outta here.

tootles.

unconditional love

so i was on yahoo! messenger talking to a long-time friend....

he then began to say these mean things. i mean i knew, he had

a mean nature by default but i didn't know it could be that mean...

really. idk...i love him as much as i love any of my other friends and

even though i don't understand him fully, he's still someone special

to me. now that i think about it, he's never really had anything nice to

to say about my boyfriends throughout the years, except "as long as he

is treating you right..."

should those 8 words compensate for the 89723487 other words that he

said that wasn't so nice??

maybe he was right when he told me, "love is blind."becuz i looked over

all the mean things he would say becuz i did have an unconditional love for him.

yeah, he was way more nice to me than any others, but perhaps that was all

to work towards the higher mark. i know he had wanted that at first,

but he had let it go [i think] becuz he said i'm "out of his league".

but today...this argument. too heavy for me. i'm getting tired of the same old

song. no longer can i deal with it...not right now.

i guess sometimes even unconditional love has to be demonstrated from afar...

to that friend:

the last thing you said to me was,

"then don't talk to me cuz it

ain't changin anytime soon

i'm opinionated

and i say what i want

just like you do."

i'm here to tell you...

it may seem that way. we have obviously

known each other much more

than we have actually KNOWN each other.

there's a lot of stuff i don't say that i really

want to. you should have known that.

she doesn't even know where to begin

she's just sitting there on the computer reading through

a few things here and there. she decides to check up on

some electronic journals that she hasn't read in like forever

coming across something that caught her attention.

you know how they say "the writing's on the wall"?

well, she believed it yet she just didn't WANT to believe it.

all this time. all the silence. all the sadness.

is it something she did? is it somthing she said?

why must she feel this way? she cares for him deeply.

always wants the best for him, but somehow, his problem

was there way before she came along. and yet, she still sees

the good and hopes that one day, he won't look at her

name and pass it by.

"i never know what to say to him," she says. "he's always so

closed in. i want to be there, i truly do, but how can i? it's like

he doesn't want to be helped...by me at least."

funny, i myself have experienced this. all i've ever wanted

for ANY of my true friends is their happiness. so why aren't

they talking to me when i try to talk to them?

maybe we can't help them. all we can do is let them

know we here...but for what? so they can think the most

negative about that? so, i'll just say this,

"i'll always love you. the end."

"True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."- George Washington (1732 - 1799)

believe that.

chea.

so...i guess i must've have not been in a "blogful" mood...just fell off the map. so much but so little has been going on. people often take for granted the little things they have in life.

word of advice: PLEASE DON'T.

soooo....

i'm trying out this new gadget on my comp which is supported by Windows Vista...pretty gnarly! man, people come up with the greatest stuff!!! thanks!!!! =]

another year has passed.

i've gained so many and lost so little.

reflecting on this past year, i think

the one thing that i have learned is

patience is not something that is captivated

overnight. yeah, it seems like common

sense but if you look at it in perspective,

it's definitely a revelation...at least to me

anyways.

in the end though, i'd have to say that i am

indeed one of the most luckiest people in the

world. i have friends who actually love me,

a guy who actually treats me beyond right, a family

that actually gives a damn, hell, a father that

actually gives a damn, a brother that i am so

proud to call my Hero, and a whole lot of cookies,

ice cream, chips, crackers, chunkies, and m&ms. =]

yeah.

be inspired.

not jealous.

happy birthday to me.